


jerry pooter and da meany tic-tac

by EnglishAndDillinger



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Vriska - Freeform, and peggy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-06-26 16:11:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19771792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglishAndDillinger/pseuds/EnglishAndDillinger
Summary: jerry pooter is a normal boi. except hes actually not cuz hes a wizard. join him on his amazign journy to the pigfarts scool of lionz and udder things, where he will do cool stuff liek fite meany tic-tacs, make bad decizions, and prove himself to be even moar of a twink then we thot he was.





	1. the boi who was okay i guess

mr heere did not hav a first naem. he wuz born as a orphan so the doctors couldnt give him a first naem becuz thats the parents job. this made him very angry for the rest of his life. he also didnt ware pants becuz most peepole who ware pants hav first naems. and he did not.

he probably shouldve been going to a job or someting but peepole without first naems uzually hav troubull with finding jobs. also he didnt ware pants. so he will be sitting on the couch four the rest of the day.

ok well thats what he thot he wuz gonna do. he was about to sit down on the couch when he lookd out the window and saw a lion.

"oh no" he said "theres a lion near my house. jerry boi maek it go away"

jerry boi slowly oppened his closet door. he livd in the closet. isnt that sad. also his real name wasnt jerry it was jeremy. wait no that wasnt his name ivor. its actually jeremiah but u cant no that. mr heere called him jerry because he knew it was a stupid niknaem and jerry didnt like it. so jeremiahs name is jeremy, and jeremys name is jerry. but jerry has no idea who jeremiah is. hes not ready too no yet.

"ok dad" jerry sed as he went outside the house. (ware the lion wuz)

"hi lion" he sed.

"hi jeremiah" the lion sed.

"i dont no who jeremiah is" jerry sed. "im not ready too no yet."

"ok"

"can u leave this yard"

"no"

"why"

"becuz i need too tell u yore bakstory"

"ok"

"wunce upon a tiem there wuz an evil tic-tac rampajing across the america. and he tried to kill u but he couldnt. four sum reezon."

"wow cool" jerry sed. "but can u please leave my yard"

"sure" said the lion. "after i tell u sumting. ur a wizard jerry"

"im a wot"

"ur a wazlird borry"

"im a wot"

"ur a wazlib barry"

"oh i get it now"

"cool" the lion sed. "anywayz youll get ur letter to the pigfarts scool of lionz and other things soon."

"ok" jerry said. "can u leave my yard now"

"ok"

the lion flew up into the sky.

"dad i got rid of the lion"

"gud job son" mr heere sed.

"thank you" jerry sed.

"that was sarcastic u stupid" mr heere laffed.

"ur not very nice" jerry sed.

"i no" mr heere sed. "now go in ur closet agen."

"ok"


	2. u wont believe ur aaron burrs when ten milion letterz make mr heere  get off of the couch

jerry wasnt having fun in his closet. so he wuz happy when mr heere oppened its door.

"jerry"

"yeah mr heere"

"u hav a letter"

"cool"

"but u cant read it haha" mr heere laffed as he threw the letter in a conveenyint volcano nearbi.

"oh ok" jerry sed. he went back two sleep cuz he waz sleeping befour.

a few sekinds later mr heere oppened the door agen.

"jerry"

"yeah"

"u hav too letterz this tiem"

"yay"

"but theyre going into the volcano to"

"oh ok" jerry sed. he tried to go to sleep agen.

a few sekinds later mr heere oppened the door yet agen.

"jerry boi"

"wut is it now mr heere"

"u hav liek at least twelve letterz"

"can i see them befour u through them away"

"yea shure"

jerry walked out of the closet and into a bunch of letterz.

"wow" jerry sed "i think there might be more then twelve hear"

"yeah" mr heere sed "liek. at least forteen."

"at least" jerry reaffirmd.

"now im going too through these all away to"

"okay" jerry sed. but he stuffed won letter into his mouth when mr heere wasnt looking. 'it is the perfect crime' jerry thought.

mr heere threw all the udder letterz into his volcano. jerry ran back two his closet.

jerry waited a bit befour he retreevd the letter from its clever hiding spot. he oppened it and read it.

"pigfarts scool of lionz and udder things. two go hear u need two bee a wizard. thats it. congratz and wellcome to majic."

"wow" jerry sed "im allready a wizard so i can go hear."

"not so fast" jerry herd mr heere say as he oppened the closet door. jerry kwickly put the letter back in his mouth.

"wat were u reeding" mr heere sed.

jerry shruggd.

"you dont no wut u were reeding"

jerry shruggd agen.

"is somefing rong my boi" mr heere askd. he needed two maek shure his son wasnt sick. or else child care servises wud taek him. and mr heere didnt want to hav to sgin al of the paprwerk that wud come with that.

jerry sed nuffing.

"are u sick. wut is it my child"

jerry cudnt rezist himself.

"it is the perfect crime" he sed. the letter dropped out of his mouth liek a letter dropping out of sumwons mouth.

"hahahahahahahaha" mr heere laffed.

somefing nockd at the door. jerry let him in cuz he wuz raisd on gud mannerz.

it was the lion.

"oh no its the lion" mr heere sed.

"oh no its the human" the lion sed.

"hello agen lion" jerry sed.

"hello agen too u to jerry" the lion sed.

"wow u got my naem rite this tiem"

"i no"

"can i reely go to pigfarts mr lion sir"

"yeah u can cuz ur a wizrd. didnt u reed the letter. also my name is rumbleroar."

"cool. butt how wil i get there"

"let me show u" rumbleroar sed.

"ok"


	3. tiem too meet the characterz peepole acchually liek

"first we hav too go shopping four ur stuff" rumbleroar sed.

"ok" sed jerry.

so they went shopping four jerrys stuff. he found a wand and thats it.

"now its tiem too get on the train" rumbleroar sed.

"ok" jerry sed. so he got on the train.

he sat down nekst to a person with brown hare.

"hello person with brown hare" jerry sed.

"hello other person with brown hare" the udder person sed.

"wats ur naem" jerry askd

"michael wazlib" the person with brown hare sed. "and u"

"jerry pooter"

"hahahahahahahaha" sumwun laffed. "thats a stoopid naem"

"who r u" jerry sed.

"im richard. hahahahahahahaha"

"ur naem can bee stoopid to"

"wow thats not nice. goodbye"

"ok"

richard left.

"wow" jerry sed to the person with brown hare. "i shure am glad richards gone"

"yeah. he mite be mean. but me and u wont be meen two eachother"

"its eachOther michael not EAchother" anudder person sed. "u hav to draw out the o stoopid"

"who r u" jerry askd

"im christine gronger and im super out of character"

"wow me to" jerry sed.

"but we still cant be frendz untill i beet teh trol."

"ok" jerry sed.

"it looks liek were hear now" rumbleroar sed cuz he wuz on the train to. "letz go to the main hal were u will get sortd into a pigfarts house"

"yay" everywon sed. they got off on the train wich wuz on marz cuz thats were pigfarts is stoopid. usually youd need a rockit to get to pigfarts but this is a super speshul train.

"jerry" the kid with brown hare sed

"yes"

"pls dont be a blytherin"

"ok"


	4. the majic jason mask reveels wut we alredy new

jerry pooter and the others walkd into da great hal and there were tabels and peepole their. most of them wear sitting down at the tabels. "wow" jerry said "ive never seen peepole sit at tabels before"

their wear also sum adult looking peepole in the front of the room. in the senter their was rumbleroar. he lookd at jerry with a grin like a letter falling out of somewons mouth. their wear also udder aduults but we dont caer about them jsut yet.

al of the peepole in jerrys group stood up in a lien in alfabeticul order.

"hello stoopids" rumbleroar sed.

"hello rumbleroar" al the stoodents sitting down sed.

the stoodents who wear stnading up wear confuzzld. many of them did not no that they wear alowd too talk two the lion.

"its tiem to sort al of the new stoodents into a pigfarts house" rumbleroar sed.

"yay" sed al the new stoodents.

"but were not doing this in alfabeticul ordir so get out of lien stoopids"

"ok" sed the stoopids.

"first up we hav the boi who was ok i gess"

everywon gaspd. they new he waz going to pigfarts that yeer but they did it anywayz four dramatik afect.

"jerry pooter. come up hear and put on the majik jason mask"

everywon gaspd agen. they new abowt the majik jason mask but rumbleroar liekd it when they gaspd alot.

"ok" jerry sed as we walkd up to the majik jason mask. he put it on.

"wud u liek two bee a blytherin jerry" the mask sed.

"no thank u" jerry sed

"to bad ur takin a kwiz to ffind out ur pigfarts house"

"ok"

"how do u ekshersiez"

"i dont no"

"do u do it a braevly b while studying c while eeting kookies or b evily"

"i wasnt allowd too ekshersiez cuz ekshersiez maeks endorphins and endorphins maek u hapy"

"so"

"mr heere didnt want me to be hapy"

"u sownd liek ur sayin meen thingz about mr heere"

"yea cuz he abyoozd me"

"thats reely out of carakter four him"

"yea i no we al are" jerry sighed "its a shame"

"u wear bein sarcastic and meen" the majik jason mask sed.

"no i wasnt i sware"

"ur lying"

"im not"

"u no wut that meens"

"no pls" jeryy sed "i dont wana bee in blytherin"

"ok won last kweshchin cuz this is taking to long. wuts ur favrit culor"

"blpack"

"no thats not allowd"

"ok than white"

"thats not allowd ivor"

"wut is allowd"

"red green yello and blu"

"i chooz..."

jerry thot abowt this four a sekind

"purble"

the majik jason mask gaspd. everywon gaspd.

"im so sorry jerry" the majik jason mask sed "but this meens u go in..."

"harledob"

everywon sobd. it wuz so sad too si the boi who wuz ok i gess to go in harledob.

"whats harledob" jerry askd to the majik jason mask.

"its the furry house" he sed. everywon laffd.

"but im not a furry" jerry sed

"haha yea ok stoopid"

"is anywon elz even in this house oar did u maek it up to maek me feel sad"

"yes. theer was won othr. butt she is long gone."

"ok"

"now go sit in the corner harledob"

"ok"

jerry sat in the corner as he wachd al his frendz get sorted into akchual houses. it wuz sad.

"at leest im not in blytherin" he thot.

"yeah" the kid with the brown hare sed. he jsut sat down nekst to jerry. "im very hapy ur not in blytherin"

"why r u hear. im a harledob. im in the furry house."

"thats fien tho. ur famiss so it balinses out evinly."

"wait im famiss"

"yea ill tell u abowt that latr. lets wait until we hav a clas toogether jerry and ill tell u"

"ok"


	5. snaep monologs four way to long

as soon as the feest was over, jerry pooter was escortd to a closit.

"y am i in a closit" he sed "i jsut spent liek my hole lief in won"

"this is the plaec four the harledobs" rumbleroar explaind. "im neerly almost disapointd in u but not kwite"

"oh wow gud that shure was a close won" jerry sighd

"now sleep in this closit jerry boi"

"ok"

befour he new it jerry pooter awoak too a new mourning. 

"hello new mourning" sed jerry

"hello new jerry" the mourning sed

jerry walkd to the big eeting plaec (ware he had diner last nite) adn everywon was eeting brekfast.

"can i sit with my frend michael" he askd rumbleroar

"no" rumbleroar sed "a harledob sitting at a bufflepuffs tabel wud bee liek a letter fallign out of somewons mouth"

"ok" sed jerry

adn so he spednt his brekfast aloan. 

after that it was tiem four his first class. poshins with snaep.

meny studints didnt liek snaep. it wasnt cuz he was meen oar abyoosiv or enything. he just had a bad habit of monologign to much. nobody learnd enything in his class. adn snaep wouldve insultd them when they al fayold the big test if he stil werent monoglognig. he wons tride too pruhpoze to (spoilr) jerrys mom butt she couldnt understnad cuz he was monologing abowt poshins. so now hes not jsut a monoglognig wierdo, but hes also a sad adn lonly monoglogninglong wierdo. 

everywon sat in snaeps class. it waz the bryffindorrs adn the blytherins. (adn the harledobs cuz jerry was their to. duh.) snaep than begind to speek.

"i can teech u too botle faem. bruw glory. stoppr deth. simmr loev."

"pls stopp snaep" sed the bryffindorz. evin tho they new he wudnt. al there oldr sibligns adn frends had told them. it wud nevr edn.

"i can show u how two boil dreems. mix integriti. stir eksullens. bubbl glory"

sorry frends but this is the chaptr. snaep may nevr seas. 

"but cant u maek him stop" sez jerry "cuz ur the narater. stoopid"

"dont braek the forth wal agen stoopid. shut up jerry" i say "this is my swamp"

"ok"


End file.
